Isn’t it ironic

….I can’t get in to see the doctor at the fertility clinic as she’s now leaving to go on maternity leave!  Ha.   That’s ok, our other doctor is available next week so off to the clinic we go.

To be honest, that brings up a topic of other people’s fertility.  I really don’t have a problem when people announce they are pregnant, post their embryo/fetus pictures on facebook or talk about their new babies.  I did get a small pang when one of my friends announced she was pregnant but just because I thought she could have been a bit more tactful about it.  I did mention I’m a delicate and sensitive flower right?  But I don’t think there is a limited supply of babies and that others who get pregnant limit my chances.  Even if people complain about their pregnancy symptoms or impending arrival of their baby it really doesn’t bother me.  I guess it just boils down to “when will it happen for me”  and the worst part is the waiting waiting waiting followed by hope hope hope and then disappointment which starts to….wait til the right time, wait for the time to tick by , wait for the results…’s never ending. 

Our first appointment was in January 2010….it’s now mid April 2011.  When is it going to happen?


Hold me closer

ok so where were we….

Oh that’s right, back in the familiar territory of heartache and despair. 

March 21st we went for IUI# 4 (natural cycle) and joy of joys it worked!  Positive pregnancy test, went for the blood test on April 8th and then got the results on April 9th.  BAD news, the blood test results were not good, the beta number was low.  The nurse told me it could be a late implantation or I could be at risk of an ectopic pregnancy.  I just knew it meant it had not worked and I should start bleeding soon.  Yep, April 11th started bleeding. 

So now what?  I’ve emailed our doctor and hopefully we can get in to see her to discuss what to do next. 5th times a charm?  Isn’t that the new saying?

I find it so incredibly hard to talk about this…  I’m sad, tired and optimistic as well.  I think it’s the hope followed by crushing disappointment that’s going to do me in in the end.