you make me feel like a natural woman

So….I’m trying to get through a 2ww that I know doesn’t have a hope in hell of being successful.  I keep looking at my fertility tracker ap to see how many days have passed and when I can realistically pee on a stick, or a $10 bill.  Those commercials for First Response® – EARLY RESULT PREGNANCY TEST get me EVERY time!  Know 5 days sooner!!!  How can it be that years have passed of us trying to get pregnant and yet the 2 week wait is TORTURE?  Maybe someone can explain these mysteries along with time travel.

How do you get through the 2ww?  I wish someone would tell me.

It’s like a bee whirring around in my brain, coming to the forefront of my thoughts and then looping to the background and then buzzing round again over and over.  I wonder if this is how people start to hear voices or go insane?  Sometimes I manage to switch it off and to be honest I am glad we took a bit of a break and relaxed, well, tried to.  Now though I just feel it ramping back up again.

For some reason I opened up my journal from 2002 and read about my worries then.  Most of the things I wished for happened.  My worries then seemed so small now.  They made me smile and think, I hope one day I look back and realized that all the things I hoped for now also come true.  I also wanted to tell my younger self to relax and not be so stressed out and focused on the one negative thing and worry about it over and over.  Maybe I should apply some of the advice I’m giving myself now to my old self and apply it to today?  Boy, what have I learned??!!  Also, one day I had recorded my weight….now there’s a way to get depressed.  Trust me, 26 year old former self, you are NOT fat!

On another note you should SEE the bruise inside my mouth from the stabbing I received at the dentist from the two needles.  Unbelievable.  I can barely open my mouth all the way to eat.  In other news, I’ve lost 3 pounds.  Take that 26 year old!



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