The latest fear I’m working to over come is the thought of living child free. The one thing I keep thinking about is who will put me in a home when I’m old and who will visit me.
I have some elderly aunts, two of which never married. They are reaching the end of their lives and when I think about it I get uncomfortable. How selfish is that? They living another country far away otherwise I would visit more often.
I vacillate between being grateful for having no children (see exhibit A) which has also allowed me some career success and greater freedom of movement and then to feeling extremely broody and thinking I may be missing out on raising some fantastic children and growing and developing a family that I wish I had. I often think the one relationship that I’m craving and searching for is the one between mother and child/ren.
2012 was a painful year. One with many bumps, changes and lots of challenges. I feel like I’m emerging from a crazy rollercoaster and now ready for some peace along a slow meandering river. I knew at the beginning of 2012 that it would be one of change and I deliberately kicked it off by dyeing my hair blonde. It seemed a small thing but I knew that the year was going to be crazy. And it was.
2013 I am hoping for peace, love and smooth sailings. I am searching for a safe harbour and less stress in my life. I want to avoid toxic environments and stale waters. I want to bring more harmony, love and peace to others around me and in turn replenish my own source. I hope for great things but most of all I hope for peace.
Happy new year to you and your loved ones. I wish you all the very best for 2013.